This is my roommate Thomas. And he’s a jerk.
I’ve had enough. Maybe it’s because you’re an engineer by trade that you have no regard for creativity. And thus your only objective is to get your result. But I will no longer stand idly by as you pollute this beautiful game we call FIFA 13.
For months now your style of play has terrorized our living room.
Your brute tackles, complete disregard for the run of play and opportune counter attacks have been decisive in your victories. But it must be said that, that like your home country of Norway, your football is cold.
I may have lost our most recent series. But I lost with my vision. And that vision being that even in a video game, one can play a beautiful type of football, one that values possession, passing and above all artistry.
To you the only number that matters is the final score. But to me, the artistry and gallantry are all part of the process and reward that goes into victory.
The final score only tells part of the story. For what it doesn’t tell is the inspired play of the 11 men that defend our colors. They move gallantly like bullfighters; entertaining and exciting the crowd. Each one an artist with their feet, moving the ball like a paintbrush along the canvas you and I call a pitch.
Your reign of dominance is slowly slipping away. The vicious and ugly game you are so proud of is slowly making way for my beautiful, Latin inspired brand of football. You may have dominated our series’ as our roommate rivalry began. But possession, flow and control are slowly becoming Eric-Ruiz dominated.
Each one of your latest victories has been strained and fought for. And they will only get tougher as the series progresses, until eventually I catapult to victory.
Maybe my early losses were the price I paid for my beautiful brand. But in time, you and all the doubters will see my vision manifest itself before your eyes.
But until then, continue with your strategy of parking the bus, because the tires are coming off and that bus will be towed in favor of a beautiful, galloping and graceful Ferrari named Eric Ruiz.
Signed…Eric Ruiz
ps, so FIFA after work and school tomorrow?
Dear Eric,
Your valuable input is duly noted, for it is true what you say: I do play a very particular style of soccer. One might call it efficient, direct, or even brilliant, as suggested by my comfortable lead in our internal league.
There is indeed value in vision, and mine is set on scoring goals. I trust that with 20/20 hindsight you will agree that your attempts at artistry on the pitch were inferior to my vicious crosses and lethal though balls. In an attempt to reach your level of pretentiousness: I’m Hemingway to your Dr. Seuss,
I’m Andy Warhol to your personal crayon creations, and I’m Liverpool to your Newcastle (ouch, that’s low).
It’s also intriguing that a fierce believer in the direct style of soccer you affectionately call “Blitzkrieg” would value style over efficiency, but after your Luftwaffe was decimated over the shores of Merseyside I shouldn’t be surprised. However, your occasional attempt at German precision shows that your commitment to artistry is questionable at best, but I do commend your vision.
You point out that a difference between us is our respective definitions of victory, and in that regard I have included a quote from the rules of the game: “In the basic soccer rules the point of the game is to get the ball in the opposing teams goal, and the team with the most goals after the specified time is the winner.” This should be easy enough to grasp, although I grant you that there is an aspect of entertainment to the game as well. However, this should be the icing on the cake, and not the batter itself.
It should build on your foundation as a solid player, not lay the groundwork for a weak excuse. The audience is us, the one on the screen is fake, and all that matters are those two digits at the end of a 90 minute showdown.
Continue your dabbling in Soccer Artistry 101, but do so at your own peril, because like a wise lady once said, “ain’t nobody got time for that!”.
- The jerk, reigning FIFA champion
(yes, game on tomorrow night)
Oh what’s that? 6-0 since my manifesto. Told you so.